Do you ever get the feeling you don't belong where you are? That maybe somewhere along the line, a wrong turn was made, but you're not entirely sure when it happened? I have a good job. A good job that means absolutely nothing to the human race. Don't get me wrong, the people I work with are lovely. The paycheck is lovely - could be lovelier, if we're being honest. Hours are fairly amenable. Then what's wrong with it?
The God's honest truth is, absolutely nothing. It's just not me. I have no idea how I managed to find myself in the Tech and Defense field. I spend the better part of each day, attempting to decipher what the computer brains around me are saying. I spend a lot of my day, wincing at the ridiculous number of F-bombs dropped or the utter arrogance of "business" people who are clearly much smarter - at least that's what they'll have you believe - than everyone else. These are not my people.
Sure I do some work. I review a few docs here and there. I reply to a few emails. I answer a few questions when people are too lazy to look it up themselves. I create some graphics for people who don't realize they can just as easily do it themselves with the same tools I'm using but would rather not because they're too busy telling everyone how smart they are. But if I were to - I was going to say get hit by the bus, but that's way too dark so - hit the lottery tomorrow and not show up to work again, someone else could step into my place with little to no fuss.
That right there, that's what sucks.
The problem being in this industry is that's where the money is. Also, that's where the experience is. So when I do go off to look for some amazing replacement that will actually fit my personality, there aren't any to be had outside of the same darn work I'm doing now. Because Tech companies hire people that have worked at tech companies. Schools, or hospitals or publishing companies or non-profits hire people that have worked at schools, or hospitals or publishing companies or non-profits. It's a maddening cycle that's very difficult to break unless you're the lead in some romantic comedy. In which case, the guy you sit next to on the bus will offer you a job just for smiling at him - and he'll wind up as your Prince Charming too.
Frustrating!
Even if finding a job wasn't so difficult, there's still the utterly ridiculous (at this point in my life) problem of having absolutely no flipping clue as to what I really want to be doing. How is this possible? I love like a million different things. Why can't I narrow those things down into a job that will be perfect for me? And mostly, why are people that I love and care about, that have utterly perfect jobs with respect, and accolades, constantly complaining about them. I'd kill to find that niche. I'm an indecisive person, I know that, but you'd think a problem this large would have a fairly simple answer. Why doesn't it?!
All I know right now, is what I'm doing now, just isn't working. And somehow making a list of ways to change it, doesn't seem to be working either.
So, yeah, sorry for the torrent of ridiculousness, but these are the thoughts that have been swimming around my head for about the last 6 months. They really needed to get out.
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