Count Me Out

One of my dream destinations has always been Australia.  It just seems like such a magical place full of beautiful sites and wonderful people.  Of course the cost and length of a flight to Australia has always been the downside.  It's so very expensive and I get antsy on my way to Texas.  I can't even imagine 17 hours in the cramped quarters of a jet.  But one of these days, I've always said it was going to happen.  

That is until I read an article today, and started thinking of that myth about Australia that everyone quotes - Everything in Australia wants to kill you.  That's not entirely true I know, but it is home to some of the scariest insects, marsupials, and some of the other most ridiculously heinous animals known to man. Up until today I had sort of placed that fact out of my mind and focused on the good of this beautiful island.  

But today, scrolling my way through Twitter, much to my chagrin I discovered this picture.  

What's this you may ask?  Well this picture is a monitor lizard.  Some poor unfortunate couple on the island of Thailand discovered it on their front port attempting to get into their home.  Now if that doesn't haunt your dreams, the video of the giant swooping tail will, I promise you.  If I were one of the poor unfortunate souls that discovered this on my front porch, my house would no longer be mine.  I would write off the house, everything inside of it and the island as well.  I would jump on the first plane to the other side of the globe and never, ever look back.  I'd create a new life in some land-locked country far from the reaches of this foul and terrifying creature.

Now you may wonder what this has to do with Australia.  Well, after some research, (Google is not always your friend) I've learned of all the deadly and terrifying creatures they have there, the monitor lizard also calls Australia home. I'm sorry, up until today I didn't even know what a monitor lizard was.  But I'm now ready to mark entire continents down as no-fly zones just to avoid them.  Nope, Nope, Nope - I'm out.  There is no reason on god's green earth why a lizard should be as tall as I am.  Geckos, Newts, I can take, but lizards that are this creepy and may eat me just to show their lizard friends they can, not so much.  I mean really, I was under the impression that dinosaurs were extinct...