For someone that's a wee bit snobbish when it comes to good television, I watch a lot of ridiculous things. Oh sure, I talk a good game. I can talk about ratings not being great for upcoming shows or dialogue that's clunky. I can discuss the utter disbelief of certain plot lines, and what actors are truly terrible at their jobs. I can even predict what pilots will make it and what ones will be gone after their first week to some degree of success. I may not watch the big critical darlings like Mad Men or Breaking Bad, but I understand why they're critical darlings and I'm aware of their story lines. I read, a lot...
However, sometimes your curiosity just gets the better of you and you just have to watch the thing you know is completely, and utterly crazy-train. And after you watch it, it's sort of a compulsion to keep watching it. It's like a train wreck sometimes, you just can't look away. And as much as you try to not go down the rabbit hole, you wake up and realize you're already there.
Like this week for example. Again. I watched Zoo.
The premise itself - a world where animals are starting to go a bit off their rocker and are killing humans; lots and lots of humans - is enough to tell you exactly how riveting (I use that term VERY loosely) this show plans to be. It's supposedly based off a James Patterson novel. What on earth was he smoking when he wrote this book? The pilot episode consisted of lions, we're supposed to believe killing a man but in fact didn't actually die. After not really killing the dude, the lions carried/dragged/made some sort of sophisticated pulley system? (it's never quite clear how) up into a tree. This was the cliffhanger. One other, "extremely tense" moment, showed about 30 cats in a big tree - at a playground where camp is due to begin the next day. Dun.Dun. Dunnnnnn!
The best part was that the dude that wasn't actually killed by the lions was thought dead by his best friend. And the episode ended with him barely alive. Big cliffhanger, right? Nope in the previews for the rest of the season, he's shown living, walking and kicking butt in the very first scene. Where was the spoiler alert!?
But you know what? I'll most likely be turning in next week. I need to know why a Lion's left eye is compelling it to murder people. I need to know how on earth a poacher received a license to kill an endangered species on a nature preserve. I need to know what the cats did to the kids when they started camp the next day (I mean, the possibilities are endless!) And most importantly, I need to know why a decent actor like James Wolk wound up "shaky chair acting" with a bunch of badly CGI-ed lions.
It's so bad, it's almost good!
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